hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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