i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
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