There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
