So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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