bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize