I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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