I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize