i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize