Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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