I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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