So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
