We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize