i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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