dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
