We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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