The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
