how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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