Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
