Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
