Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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