the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize