i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
