He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
