you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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