Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
