Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
