So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
