Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
