he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
