we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize