What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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