Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize