I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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