I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
