This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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