is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't want my vagina anymore.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
