Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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