We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
