I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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