i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
