jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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