I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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