I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
