He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
