every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
