Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
