I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
