Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
