Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
