"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
