Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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