We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize