1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
