you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
