i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize