just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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