no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
