This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
