I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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