you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
