Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
