So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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