I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
