It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize