I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
