That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Small penises have feelings too.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize