Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
